When Everything's Meant to Be Broken
by runicmagitek
Summary: He was perfectly comfortable with admiring her from afar, though when she needed support, he couldn't watch anymore. Celes/Setzer


She could smile and laugh, a rare occurrence for her, but one he daydreamed of nonetheless. She could stand in silence, stare over the edge of the Falcon and never acknowledge him. She could scream at his face, spittle and curses flying from her tongue and her fists daring to strike him down. All of it Setzer could handle - had handled at some point - more so for her than anyone else, but for Celes to dissolve into tears - painful, consuming tears - was an unbearable sight.

Setzer never wanted to see her cry.

Though he reckoned the state he was in a month ago was arguably more unbearable: doubled over a table and nursing his third drink of the day in Kohlingen. The alcohol numbed the gaping, hollow space in his chest and eventually would kill him. A pathetic death, one suited for a coward, but without his wings, what was the point in fussing over life? A land bound life, as well, to rub salt into the wound. He didn't expect company, let alone the Figaro twins and the former Imperial General. He hadn't forgotten her even if he tried. Even with the alcohol burning through him, Celes would be the last memory to be torn from him.

He thought he died then, the woman before him a spirit to take him away. He barely comprehended what Celes spoke of. Something about taking back the world from Kefka. Her soft hand laid upon his shoulder as she continued, the subtle weight jerking him back to a sober reality. He hadn't died and neither had she. And she smiled when he offered to help. If only she knew how much she had done the same for him.

Celes disappeared often on board the Falcon, ducking into a side room to relax. Her prolonged absence in the lower decks while he played a quick card game with Edgar hadn't worried Setzer initially. When he returned above to pilot the vessel, the winds carried her sharp cries and plummeted his heart to his stomach.

Her vibrancy and strength wilted. Weeks of fruitless searches brought shudders racing through her muscles until she collapsed by the bow of the airship.

Setzer rushed to her side, already slipping off his coat for her. As he knelt down, Celes snapped her head up, eyes wide and cheeks tear-stained. Her chin quivered while she bit her lower lip and averted her gaze.

"Go away." The gentlest of winds held more might than her tone. Celes choked on tears and wiped the back of her hands along her eyes and nose, but Setzer didn't flinch.

The thick, black jacket fell over her shoulders before he sat next to her. "And worry about you and not do anything about it? Not a chance."

Still, Celes sniffled and hiccuped, not once eying Setzer. She didn't protest further and Setzer quietly remained by her, a reminder he was there for her, whether she realized it or not.

But he knew better than to blindly believe she noticed. Not then, not ever. Not when she wore that bandanna around her arm as if her life depended upon it.

Back when the balance coursed through the veins of the world, Setzer observed the longing in her eyes when a particular rogue was present. The same expression washed over her as they flew through the skies now, searching past seas and clouds. Setzer never inquired what it was she searched for; he knew since the beginning.

Such a stare was never meant for him, no matter how hard Setzer aspired for her attention. He didn't dare press his luck with Celes, for tempting her was to walk on thin ice. Staying right where he was, never stepping forward or away, was where Setzer belonged. From a distance, he could admire her, for his heart could stay broken for an eternity so long as she was happy.

But Celes was far from joyful and Setzer longed to embrace her, kiss away the tears, and tell her she was his beacon of hope in this world of ruin. Instead, he opted for the calm the wind brought them.

A breeze combed through his hair. Setzer tilted his head back, swallowed the tight lump in his throat, and drew in a breath.

"It's okay to have these moments," he murmured to her. "You've held the weight of the world on your shoulders for too long. We're here for you, Celes. You don't have to carry this burden this alone. Sometimes the stress gets to be too much and the bottle overflows. Don't ever think that makes you weak."

She mumbled, her face in her palms with her knees drawn to her chest. "…do you think we'll find everyone? That they're… still alive out there? That this isn't a waste of time?"

Setzer frowned as the tears rolled off her chin and splashed into her lap. "I believe we have a fighting chance. You found me, of all people." He breathed out a chuckle. Celes never laughed. "I can't foresee the future, Celes, but I meant what I said. I'll help search for the others. I'll help bring an end to Kefka." He paused. "…I'm here for you. Always. Please never forget that."

He didn't blame her for not believing him then. Over a year ago, _he_ was the one who kidnapped her - albeit unknowingly - and _he_ was the one asking for her to be by his side as a mistress for their wager. The lustful fantasies which once swam in his head gradually faded. He gazed upon Celes and saw more than a breath-taking beauty he craved to worship on a soft mattress. She was strength, wit, intelligence, and perseverance personified. His admiration for the blonde woman came with a need to learn more of her, to make her safe at her lowest, and to support her to no ends at her highest. Celes deserved the undivided attention of an adoring lover, who wished for nothing more than to make her happy beyond words.

If only she allowed him to come close enough to try.

Thus when she inched closer to rest her head upon his shoulder, Setzer nearly dismissed the instance as a devious mind trick.

His heart raced as he peered down. Celes cried into his sleeve, though her ruining the garment was the last of his concerns. And it would have been so easy, nearly flawless, to just tilt her face up, ease his lips onto hers, and pull her into his lap. But even Setzer refused to take the risky gamble and settled for stillness as she cried.

Celes shifted against him and clung upon his arm with desperation, causing Setzer to hitch his breath. As she lowered her face, he dared to caress her back. She trembled beneath his palm, sucked in air in between sobs. It wasn't long before Celes inched closer, burying her face in his chest and welcoming Setzer's embrace.

He nuzzled into the top of her head and closed his eyes. She smelled of vanilla and lavender. Through layers of cloth, her body warmed his. While the frantic blood pulsing in his head deafened Setzer, another beat vibrated through him simultaneously - her own heart.

Setzer feared he'd be unable to let her go when she inevitably pulled away, so he clutched her as if it was their final moments ticking by, despite it being the first time they shared a shred of intimacy.

And he knew better than to wish for a second time.

In time, her tears lessened, her grip loosened, and her cries quieted. Still Setzer held on, stroking Celes' back and providing a comforting silence between them.

"You must think me weak," Celes whispered.

"Quite the opposite, really." _If only you knew._ "You're the bravest soul I know, Celes. I would never fault you for being human." He squeezed her. "It'll all work out in the end. It's okay."

She said nothing more on the matter, but eventually - sadly - Celes pulled away, the back of her hand smudging away the tear stains upon her face. Setzer offered a hand to help her back onto her feet and he smiled gently when she didn't dismiss the kind gesture.

"Thank you," she whispered, unable to eye him, though offered his coat back.

Setzer shook his head and held a hand up. "Anything for you," he replied, wondering if she would read too much into his words and gesture.

But she didn't. She never would. Instead, she offered a forced smile and nodded. They had bigger tasks to focus on, though the stress of it all did call for moments of reprieve. Setzer was more than willing to offer support to Celes as she recovered; she didn't deserve to brave it all alone. Though as she slipped back into the lower decks, Setzer's smile wavered, then vanished. One day they'd find the man her heart was truly set on and she'd forget all about who was by her side the day she shed tears to relinquish the stress. As long as he could cherish the small moment they shared together, as meaningless as it might have been in Celes' eyes, Setzer resigned himself as content with just that to get by with.

Almost.


End file.
